To me the summer seemed long and extremely hot. The year was in the mid 1950’s and I spent my long days tucked into the lonely countryside in Missouri. My parents and older brothers did custom hay baling in the surrounding areas and I, during my adolescent years was left at home to care for my infant and toddling siblings, plus take care of chores, gardening and canning.
The days seemed unbearable as fear and heat mixed together to make me think about ‘hell’. I was taught that hell was real and to me it was more real than heaven. There were five things I believed in. Those were, God, the devil, heaven, hell and eternity. There was something (and I know now that that something was Someone) missing in my equation. Looking back now I am so ashamed to say that it was Jesus and my love for Him.
Years later after I had made my confession of faith, went through excommunication, and received the infilling of the Holy Spirit, I still remember a time when I found it difficult to say, “I love You, Jesus.”
God has been so patient with me. I wish that I could say there was an ‘ah-ha moment’ early in my life where I could remember just realizing that Jesus paid it all so that I could fall in love with Him. It must be that I grew in that love, for my heart is touched, it is tender before Him when I think of how much He loved me.
Jesus was not ashamed to stripped bare for my shame and disgrace. He humbled Himself to take the stripes on His back because of my very sins. He made Himself sinful that I might be guiltless. He went to hell that I might inherit an eternity in Heaven with Him, sitting with Him in that fathomless beauty.
Somewhere in the 98 years of my mother’s life she had grown deeply in love with Jesus. The first person she wanted to see in Heaven was “the LORD” as she called Him. She sang of Him until breath would not allow her to sing any longer. When she stepped into His presence I am sure she was still singing. What a gift of dedicated, unashamed love she left to all of us! What a heart-after-God she exemplified! How deep her insight was of the love of Jesus for her and all of us!
One example of her unashamed love was that on her death-bed and in her dying days, she grabbed every doctor’s hand and every nurse’s hand that she could reach and lifted it to her lips, planting a firm kiss on that hand and then boldly said, “God bless you!”
And I now am here, left after her to carry on that ‘unashamed-love-legacy!’ What a privilege! What a responsibility! What an honor! Lord, make my love for You, bold, honorable, unrelenting, and responsible!
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